Why I am a Vegetarian
Ed Collins

Somewhere around 10 years ago I completely stopped eating meat and fish. Occasionally people ask me what my reasons are but I have never really felt satisfied with my responses. To be honest, it is my impression that most people are not really interested in taking the time to hear an in-depth answer so I've never actually gone through a deep contemplation on the topic. Recently I was in an introspective mood and decided to tackle the question for myself. No sooner than I began to review my thoughts on the topic, I found myself wandering to places well outside of the reasons for my eating preferences. I bumped up against questions behind the question such as: "To what extent am I living my life unconsciously?"; "What does it mean to be in integrity?"; and "What is compassion?" I have found it difficult to come up with a coherent structure to answer those questions while at the same time connecting them to the original topic so I've decided to jot down my loosely connected thoughts and see what's inside. The following is the result. Please forgive me in advance if this seems too preachy.

It took me several years to phase meat out of my diet. As I got older, I naturally reduced my red meat intake. This was more of my body telling me red meat was difficult for it to digest than my listening to my internal moral values. Around 1990 I met my spiritual teacher (Amma) and began consciously expanding my spiritual practices. Since then I found myself naturally making adjustments in many areas of my life where I was unconsciously living out of integrity. I became increasingly aware of the feelings of shame and sadness around eating meat. I don't recall sharing this with my team at the time. I think this was because I knew I would have to make a commitment to do something that I was not ready for. I did significantly reduce my meat intake but didn't go vegetarian for a few more years. My final leap came after spending 2 weeks in retreat with Amma (where they only serve vegetarian food). My deep feelings overwhelmed me and I knew it was time to take action. At the end of the retreat, I sat down with my wife Lakshmi (aka Franci) and we agreed to convert to being full-time vegetarians. We now don't eat any meat but we still do eat dairy products and eggs.

I did not become vegetarian to feel physically better. Before I became a vegetarian I was very physically healthy. Truthfully speaking though, my initial vegetarian diet was not particularly healthy. I've gone through several adjustments over the years to improve the nutritional and protein content while reducing sugars, fatty content and simple carbohydrates. With Lakshmi's support, the conversion was not only surprisingly easy but, I now have a more varied diet than anytime in my past. We now try to buy as much organic and locally grown food as possible and have a nice supply of vegetables that come out of our garden. Fortunately, we have free labor (my Mother-in-law Thelma) to tend to the garden.

I can see in retrospect that one of the reasons for my shame was because I considered myself to be an environmentalist. At a minimum, eating meat impacts 2 major environmentalist issues that I have direct affect on. The first is that it requires the killing of other sentient beings for my welfare. Most livestock live in horrid conditions, are pumped full of hormones and antibiotics and experience horrific deaths. The second is that, compared to vegetarian foods, producing meat is extremely inefficient and destructive in terms of utilizing the earth's resources. The average American diet contributes greatly to the suspected causes of global warming. There are estimates that the animals we eat produce 21% of the CO2 attributable to human activity along with tons of methane gas. Vast amounts of rainforests (which convert CO2 to oxygen) are being cut down each year to both provide pasture for cows and grow soybeans to feed them. I realized that I was out of integrity by eating meat while ignoring my impact on these issues. I was living in a form of denial, forcing a veil of unconsciousness over myself to live with the implications of my actions.

I don't view non-vegetarians as unconscious, insensitive and/or wasteful people but, based on my personal morals, "I" would be unconscious, insensitive and wasteful if I continued to eat meat. This is a very personal experience that each individual must address based on their own life experiences. I think in today's modern society we can't avoid contributing to wastefulness and pollution of the earth's resources. Most of us make attempts to reduce personal waste but we have to choose solutions that work within the parameters of our personal lifestyle. One problem is that we are continually barraged with information on things we do that contributes to societal waste. This information is often so contradictory and overwhelming that we slip into non-action. It is a real struggle to find the time, strength and knowledge of where to start and how to get around societal and/or economic structures that dictate our waste. For me the important thing is that each person continually takes the time to identify reductions in waste and pollution that he can reasonably affect. We should try to become more sensitive to the suffering caused by our lifestyle without beating ourselves up for it. In my experience, this awareness leads to gradual lifestyle adjustments to limit our contributions to that suffering. Eliminating meat from my diet was one small area that I found I can succeed.

Learning to be more sensitive to the results of my actions and acting out of compassion are closely related for me. I used to think I knew what compassion was but as I observed Amma's life, I found that I really had a very narrow view. I now see compassion as living my life consciously in all areas along with cultivating the awareness that I am one with all of nature. I have been taught and fully believe that the miraculous, indescribable life force that resides in my body is the same living energy that emanates within all of existence. I think the Jesus saying "love thy neighbor as thyself" is shorthand for "love all of God's creatures because they and you are the same life force". From this state of mind, I find the unnecessary killing of sentient beings to feed me as an act totally lacking of compassion and personal integrity. (I do need to make a distinction here, that I can appreciate the compassion of indigenous cultures and hunters who depend on and pay deep respect and homage to their prey and do not waste any part of their killing).

Unfortunately, defining compassion dilutes its true essence. Compassion doesn't exist in the mind. It only exists when we open up our hearts. Amma encourages us to focus our lives on helping the poor, the sick and the less fortunate and to do so without looking for recognition or reward. (The desire for recognition exists in the mind or ego while compassion exists only in the heart). She also teaches us to be caretakers of the planet. Don't waste anything. Even a grain of rice is too valuable to lose track of. The money we waste on mindless entertainment, junk food, fancy clothes, expensive cars, etc could support several third world families or even villages. In recent years I have found myself questioning the true extent of my compassion when I can be so wasteful while at the same time be accepting of the fact that so many of my brothers and sisters are in dire need.

I am reminded of the old est teachings that said most people live their lives as if it doesn't really matter. If we knew in our hearts that we truly made a difference in the world, we would totally commit our lives to make the world a better place. There is little evidence that our lives "really matter" so it requires a conscious choice to take the position that "my life matters". I believe that when I waste, I am subconsciously saying, "My life doesn't really matter". Now whenever I consciously avoid waste, I am saying to myself, "My life and this specific action does matter".

Consciously living as if my life matters connects back to caring for the planet and being aware of how I am directly or indirectly harming it. In recent years Lakshmi and I have taken a stand to aggressively invest in socially conscious and/or green investments. This can be a very intimidating task. Our old investment advisor was totally non-supportive to our desires. She felt her job was to make us (and herself) as much money as possible with the least effort no matter whether it meant investing in fast foods, the military complex, petroleum, liquor and tobacco, or industries that exploit people and the land. Lakshmi and I decided that this is unacceptable for us. We would rather not make money than consciously invest in the exploitation of the earth and its inhabitants.

Fortunately, there are other investment options. We have shifted the majority of our investments over to Peter Johnson's investment management. I must put a plug in for Peter since he has been extraordinary in finding alternative investments we can feel comfortable with. We have pushed him hard to find investments that fit our preferences. Due to his diligence, we are doing nearly as well today as we would have with non-green investing. Interestingly, over the past couple of years, we have been able to observe the market for these types of investments quickly expanding. I feel in some little way we are contributing to converting global investment strategies to become more morally and environmentally friendly. Along the way, another major area of personal integrity is getting cleaned up.

I don't have a good summary of my thoughts here and maybe its better that I don't. Each of us is a dynamic individual who has their own way of perceiving themselves and the world. We all have our own path to learn what it means to be a responsible human being. My only hope is that sharing a tiny bit of my path, in some way provides encouragement for you to take another "conscious" step in your path.