Thinking vs. Living
Jerry Strebig, Grunt 'n Pokers

Many of you have heard me say this before: "Thinking about life is not living life."

I know a lot about "thinking about life." From the ages of 16 to 28, a span of 12 years, I was in weekly counseling, off and on, for eight years. I also have done EST, the Sterling Men's Weekend and the New Warrior Weekend, plus numerous other workshops. The bookcase at my house includes about 30 philosophy and self help books. I enjoyed scrutinizing and debating the little nuances of life and decisions I and others made. I knew I was smart, I got good grades in college. I passed the Mensa test with flying colors, only missing one question. I was proud of how much I knew about life, relationships and myself.

And I wasn't happy.

What went wrong? Wasn't all that learning making me a better man? In some ways, yes. Weren't all those workshops enlightening me? Probably.

But I was missing the boat on one key factor. I still wasn't happy. Today I can say I was over-thinking the passion and excitement out of life. Over-thinking to the point I was not living a balanced life. If you think a moment, I bet you know someone, or a little bit of all of us, like this now. They think and pause for what seems like an eternity before the controlled words dribble from their mouths. Quite often in a monotone voice. They work to excruciating lengths to improve themselves, often without fun for balance. They quote others and don't speak their own mind or from their hearts. They are improving themselves but still aren't good enough, sometimes to the point of sadness. There is really no fault here. In high-tech Silicon Valley, over-examination seems to be the norm. And, I was one of these men.

I don't remember exactly when, but I made a life changing decision. I was going to think less about life for the sake of living it. What does that mean? I was giving up on the small and even some medium shit. I was going to stop over analyzing my life. I was going to be less introspective. I would take more risks, knowing I would make mistakes. I would be more active. I was going to accept more of my faults, without the need to change them. I would feel less shame.

I made a conscious decision to be more shallow, to be more happy and balanced.

Boy, that sounds weird. The reaction from others has been interesting. It has ranged from being told I was "dumbing down" my life, to having the decision be called "emotionally intelligent." I'm personally leaning towards emotionally intelligent. Over thinking and rationalizing ones life to the point where the passion and excitement is gone? How dumb is that if one of life's main goals is to be happy? Then the decision to stop over-analyzing life for the sake of happiness and passion is very intelligent. I'm not saying to stop the journey of improvement. I still do the work, with my team and occasionally with a counselor. But, at some point I want to stop crying and just go out and knock shit down, for balance.

By not living in my brain, I found there was more space for my balls. I am now more secure. I have more friends, men and women. And women seem to be more attracted to me physically, even without hair and being overweight. I also am much more excited about life. In this long process my arrogance (I am so cool and studly) and my humility (I am a man, no better, nor worse than any other man) have both grown. And for others in the over-analyzing, unbalanced mode, I say take a heavy dose of self-acceptance and forgiveness. Most mistakes we've made, or are going to make in the future, aren't as big as we make them out to be. I'm guessing you will also find accepting and forgiving others will be easier also. Sometimes the hardest work, is just letting go. Living in the power of my balls feels great.

I got myself to this point, but I also credit EST, Sterling, and New Warrior for opening my eyes, and my team and counselors for supporting me. Along the path of life I have found the animal in me is more enjoyable and attractive to be around, for me and others, than the intellectual. "More balls, less brains" does a man wonders. I LOVE that.