No Thank You, I Just Bought One:
A Guide to Handling Telephone Sales

Moe Rubenzahl, Phoenix

Don't you hate it when you rush to answer the phone, interrupting whatever Very Important Thing you were doing only to find out it's some bozo trying to sell you something? And does it drive you crazy that telephone salespeople always take forever to get to the point where you can tell them you're not interested? And then they keep you on the line until you are forced to be rude?

Well, here's how to virtually eliminate the hassle of telephone sales! These techniques will reduce the time you spend answering annoying sales calls at home and at work. (And those of you who sell for a living can probably learn something, too!)

The Reverse Directory

The first trick is to prevent the calls in the first place.

Most sales calls placed to your home are the result of a special phone directory most of us never see. Sold to businesses for a fee, the "Street Address Directory" (sometimes called the "Reverse Directory") lists you by address, rather than name. Companies use this directory to canvas an area by phone. If you remove yourself from this directory, sales calls will be nearly eliminated!

Just call your local telephone company business office and ask to be removed from the Street Address Directory. There is no charge and they are required to remove you upon request.

I was amazed at how effective this one simple step is. It eliminated all but a tiny fraction of the calls I used to receive.

Smelling Salespeople

In my position as a marketing director, I receive many "cold calls" — sales calls aimed at potential new purchasers. The interruption is bad enough, but the worst part is that cold callers just love to chat. Apparently, some idiot has taught salespeople that they need to establish a relationship first. Frankly, I don't want to waste the time. But I can't be rude either, because the caller might actually be a customer. Fortunately I discovered a Magic Formula for immediately discovering that it's a sales call. It's simple and almost always works.

Brass Tacks

So what do you do once you know it's a cold call? The temptation is to just dismiss the call, rudely if necessary. But wait! There's still a slim chance this is not a sales call. And maybe, just maybe, it's someone selling something you actually want to buy. What you need is a way to find out quickly:

This really is magic. It forces the caller to get to the point immediately. You'll find out whether it really is a sales call and what's for sale.

In the rare event that the caller is too dense to directly respond to this question, I use the impossible-to-misinterpret question: "What are you selling?" It has an additional benefit as it disrupts the flow of most canned sales pitches.

Finishing the Call

Once I know what the caller is selling, I can complete the call (which also disrupts sales amateurs, because they're taught they're supposed to control the call).

• If I'm interested in the product, I tell the caller so and let the pitch proceed.
  
  
• If I'm not interested, I tell the caller I'm not and won't be in the future. Most people are reluctant to do this because they think it's rude, but I think the better salespeople appreciate it because it prevents them from wasting their time.
  
  
• If I'm not interested but might be in the future, I ask the caller to send literature for my file. Then — and this is important — I assure the caller that I really am filing it, because people often use that line to put a salesperson off. Most salespeople will arrange a time to call again (another of those lessons they teach in sales training). If you don't want a follow-up call, now's the best time to say so, because all sales people keep a calendar and they will follow up unless you very specifically tell them not to.

Sometimes, none of this works. Generation after generation of salespeople are indoctrinated with the same idiotic training, telling them that "behind every no there is a yes." They hear stories about how some big sale went to the guy who kept working the difficult client. About how the longer they can keep you on the phone, the more likely they will make the sale. They also know that most people are programmed to answer questions so they will ask question after question. And they know that most people are programmed to be polite.

They key is that you must have the last word and the best way is to be blunt: "Sorry, I am not interested" and hang up before he has a chance to reply.

Or, Try This Handy Lie

Years ago, I was doing professional photography and I received a sales call at home, offering portrait packages. (This was before I had discovered the Street Address Directory trick.) I told the caller I was a professional photographer and two amazing things happened: She ended the call promptly, and she apologized!

The next night, someone called to sell me a swimming pool. I immediately transformed myself into a pool installer and guess what happened.

Whatever they're selling, you do for a living.

Offending Sales People

These methods may sound fairly rude but they're really not. Honest, straightforward dealings are appreciated by the better sales professionals, because they really hate wasting time — probably more than you and I do.

If you offend any salespeople with any of this, you're probably doing them a service because they need to get over that — or get out of sales!